i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
