I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
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Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
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so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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