My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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