i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
