4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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