Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
