Please, let me fuck your mom
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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