I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
