$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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