so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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