You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
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