Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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