I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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