i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize