I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
