I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
