so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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