He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
