ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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