Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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