I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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