saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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