4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I cannot find my penis.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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