So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
