He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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