I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
