I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
