I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
