I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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