I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
