I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
