I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
