Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
