Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
