I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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