Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
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why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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