guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
