Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
