apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
