Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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