I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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