All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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