he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
