god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
is it fun? or sober?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am