Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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