i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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