he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
