I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
