Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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