He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
