living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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