About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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