I think i sorta joined a cult last night
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
