Got a toothbrush?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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