I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
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nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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