it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
