How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
