walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
