after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
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I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
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Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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