I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
