You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
