When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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