R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
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So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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