When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
home. puking in laundry basket.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
