I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
