ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
