you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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