I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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