They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize