My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
